Recently, it’s come to my attention that all of the really interesting/funny/nice guys have girlfriends. I’ve been meeting a lot of cool guys lately, men that can hold discussions, are funny and witty-all of them have girlfriends. More annoying, even the ones who are not funny, nice or interesting have girlfirends-like this guy who spit out his drink on my friend and nearly started a fight with a group of nerdy science graduate students- you know, the type of guys that solve equations on chalk boards in their offices and read Lonesome Dove in their spare time. Isn’t it wild that some people have chalkboards in their office? He has a girlfriend and everyone else hates him and can’t stand him. I heard the story at wine club, when this other firend of mine casually mentioned his girlfriend. it’s really unbelievable. how is it possible? how is it fair?
It’s not like I’ve never noticed this before, but lately, I’ve been hearing more about it. One of my Canadian friends and I were just talking about this last week, and who can forget the creep who told me all the good ones were taken? It made me that everyone I’ve met-excluding Said Man, who pulls women from eharmony becuase they will do anything for a relationship, and Inappropiate crushman, have a significant other. I got so excited last saturday night because we talked to this guy when we were smoking who seemed really down to earth and funny, despite the fact that he’s a grad student. He seemed really single, and maybe it was the huge glass of beer( or three) I had for octoberfest, but I got way too excited about meeting him. I felt like Captain Ahab sighting Moby Dick in the distance, or maybe how Jane Goddall must have felt the first time one of the chimps reached out and touched her hand in their own habitat. I mean, I say he was funny and down to earth, but I only talked to him for four minutes, and really, he only made a commnet ilke “if you were to ask anyone outside of academia if we deserve to get paid 15,000 dollars a year for what we do, they’d say no, so to Grad students I say chill out.” Based on the strength of this one mild witticism, I texted another friend of mine who also studies literature to find out if he was single, and was sad when I came back from teh bathroom and he had left. When I say I “texted” my friend, I actually texted my frined four times about this guy. Really, he hadn’t left, and alas he didn’t like me. I heard him tell his friend that he had been trying to get with this girl and failed.
When I woke up on Saturday morning and reflected on the night’s events, I realized that I had gotten way too excited about meeting a guy without a girlfirend. All these years, i ahve consoled myself with the thought that I would eventually meet somebody really fantastic, that of course it would take longer because I’m so weird and people misunderstand my genius. I’ve never doubted this fact, but here it is-another impending winter spent alone in my apartment, another holiday season and another new years spent with other couples, and when I lock myself out on the roof on accident on new years eve because I am smoking and the door accidentally blows shut behind me, it will take a long time for anyone to notice that I am missing, in both a metaphoric and practical sense. As I laid in bed reflecting on all of this, hungover, it occured to me that my standards seem to be moving towards soley whether or not the guy is single. It’s not that I am feeling old, I don’ tknow, I feel like I’ve spent all this time getting my shit together and being a decent, well rounded person and treat people ethically and be nice to strangers- I feel like I deserve a reward for all of this. And not just the reward of being a good person, but have someone to share it with. Someone to go on vacation with, so I don’t have to spend the holidays either, a. locked in small hotel room with my mother and grandmother-who has a boyfriend-or worse, sleeping on my brothers couch, waking up beause his dogs are panting next to my face.
Who knows? maybe I am getting desparate enough for Said Man.
D: you need to get this entry published. It’s way funnier and better written than most things you’ll find in Canadian mainstream media. Plus, it’ll make an interesting story to tell in a bar: “My musings on lack of single men, which I wrote on a whim, got published in some big Canadian paper/website.”
But still, I can’t believe this. “Recently, it’s come to my attention that all of the really interesting/funny/nice guys have girlfriends.” *Recently*?! You only realized this now?
I swear. I’ve never realized this before. It’s horrible. I have to find a new demographic, like the forty year olds who are going through their first divorce.
Uberfrau – You don’t know me but I’ve been lurking on your blog for a long time. (Thanks for helping me get through a breakup!) Anyhow. I liked this post a lot, because I’m right there with you. I have a friend I’m interested in, but I can’t figure out if I’m interested because he’s single (no kids, has a good job, his own house, a car, is funny enough) or because…uh…nope. Guess that solves it. I think I’m interested because he seems to be the only single guy.
Also, I wanted to beseech you to not change your demographic. I was just recently stalked by a guy at work. He’s 40 and in the throws of deciding whether to divorce his wife. He developed a crush on me over email, which I was unaware of…until he decided to chew me out for being mean to him because I told him to eff off when he tried to ask me on a date.
Thanks for Delurking, the second guy sounds like a real douchebag. Gross.
My friend Monica who I often blog about, and also my old therapist, would probably tell you to think about the first guy, as you’re arleady friends and he could possibly be a decent human-being. On the otherhand, if he’s so nice, maybe he’s serial killer?
Yes, Douchebag is an appropriate moniker. When I said no to his date he asked if it was because he was too short for me. (I’m 5′3″ and he seems my height or shorter.) My response was, “Yeah. I’m saying no because you’re short. It definitely has nothing to do with your passive-aggressive tendencies, wife of 22 years, daughters who are less than 10 years younger than I, or your creepy girly-hands.” Ok, maybe I am mean.
Until I can decide if I’m really into Crush Friend, I’m just trying to invent reasons to hang out. A totally empirical poll of my guy friends tells me I should hang out with him a lot, and then disappear. Seems that is how you get a guy to notice you. Huh. And here I always thought it was my witty charm and killer curves.
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